PREHEAT

Preheat. Preheat. Preheat. You better be quick. Auntie wouldn’t like the trick. He had a bone. Just a bone. Skin and bone. Nothing grown. Little white lie through the little black bars. Check it. Check it. Check it again. Count it once. Count it twice. Fat little children should taste nice. PREHEAT! Come a little closer. Closer still. No, no, Auntie. Show me how. SHOW ME. SHOW ME. SHOW ME. Such a little mouth. Such a hungry room. Bread on the table. Bone at the bars. One for the hunger. Two for the trick. Three for the little hand— QUICK QUICK QUICK I don’t understand. Show me. Closer. Closer. Closer. Shut the door. PREHEAT! You better be quick. Auntie wouldn’t like the trick. PREHEAT! Auntie never liked the trick.

You’ve got to be skinny You’ve got to be pretty You’ve got to be everything they want you to be Hold in your stomach Stand straight for me Some things come easy Some things don’t come free If it doesn’t fit If it doesn’t fit Don’t blame the beautiful thing Cut it off Cut it off Darling, don’t cry You won’t need it where you’re going Cut it off Cut it off Just a little more and nobody will ever know A little less body A little more grace A little less of you and everything falls into place You’ve got to be lovely You’ve got to be light You’ve got to look perfect when he sees you tonight Does it hurt? Only for a minute. Does it fit? Almost. Then take a little more. Cut it off Cut it off Darling, don’t cry You won’t need it where you’re going Cut it off Cut it off Just a little more and nobody will ever know You won’t have to walk when you’re somebody’s queen You won’t have to walk when you’re somebody’s queen Isn’t that what you wanted? Isn’t that what you wanted? Does it fit? … Almost. Cut it off Cut it off Darling, don’t cry You’re almost there Cut it off Cut it off A little less you and a little more theirs Stand up. Let me see. Don’t limp. Smile. … Perfect.

Take her somewhere quiet Somewhere green Far enough away that she won’t be seen You know the place You know what I mean I don’t need to know what happens in between Take your time Do it right And when you come back— Bring me proof Bring me proof Something warm Something red Something I can hold instead Bring me proof That’s all I ask of you She’s very young She may be scared Tell her something kind I really wouldn’t care Don’t make a mess Don’t ruin your clothes There are some things a woman shouldn’t know Bring me proof Bring me proof Something warm Something red Something from inside instead Bring me proof That’s all I ask of you Did she cry? … Never mind. You took so long I nearly worried Put it on the table You look tired Is that all? … Good. You can go. Liver. Lung. Funny how little a person becomes. Bring me proof Bring me proof Something warm Something red Something I can hold instead Bring me proof That’s all I asked of you Wash your hands. Close the door. … I knew you understood.

Psst. Hey. What’s my name? … Wrong. You had one job One little name Three little nights One stupid game Gold on the table Deal in the bag Look at the little man starting to crack WHAT’S MY NAME? DON’T KNOW! WHAT’S MY NAME? DON’T CARE! SAY MY NAME SAY MY NAME SAY MY FUCKING NAME Guess it once Guess it twice Come on, baby Roll the dice Caspar? NO! Melchior? NO! Something-something— FUCK NO! SAY MY NAME SAY MY NAME YOU HAD THREE DAYS TO SAY MY NAME One for the money Two for the lie Three for the little man— BYE BYE BYE Wrong name Wrong name EVERYBODY GOT THE WRONG NAME Kick that dirt Stamp that ground Little man going DOWN DOWN DOWN Right foot. Right foot. RIGHT FOOT DOWN. … Well, shit. Waist deep. Bad day. Should’ve stayed home. Should’ve walked away. But no— No no no no no. You gotta pull. Don’t. You gotta pull. Seriously. Don’t. PULL! PULL! PULL! SAY MY NAME SAY MY NAME SAY MY— … Never mind.

First night I thought I dreamed her Bare feet across the floor The room was cold the door was open She looked just like she did before She never looked at me She never spoke my name She only held the baby then laid him down again How is my child? How is my deer? Two more nights then I won’t be here Second night I stayed awake I heard the floorboards by the door She came as quiet as the winter Just as she had the night before She held him close against her breast She touched the little deer And I was close enough to call her name But all I did was hear How is my child? How is my deer? One more night then I won’t be here Third night No sleep. No candle. I waited in the dark. The door moved. She was there. I knew her by her hands. She held our child a little longer She kissed him on the head Then turned toward the doorway And I knew what came next How is my child? How is my deer? I said her name. … I said it again. The door stayed open. The room stayed cold. The child was sleeping. The deer was gone. And morning came as mornings do.